You may struggle with uncomfortable memories, thoughts, feelings, or body sensations that won’t go away. If not, then the choices you make seem self-defeating or just don’t make sense to the other people in your life. I am here to tell you that any of those experiences are different ways that your brain is trying to protect you from the pain of sadness, fear, or disappointment. Your brain was made for survival and it doesn’t know the difference between a saber tooth tiger and a negative feeling. That’s where therapy comes in.
Good therapy is about building a relationship with a counselor that helps you explore your mind, develop new skills, and try new behaviors. Good therapy meets your fears with compassion and acceptance. AND, good therapy challenges you, so you know you can overcome the tests of life with more confidence.
Trust the Process
When I was trained to be a therapist, I was taught to “trust the process.” I subscribe to the belief your brain and body can heal themselves with the right guidance and skill. I will help you learn about yourself, so you can capitalize on your strengths and manage your vulnerabilities.
Growing up, you probably weren’t taught HOW to understand your feelings or behaviors. You weren’t taught that your brain was made for “war more than love”. You weren’t taught that you need skills to manage your brain’s constant scanning for threat and safety. You will learn them in therapy. Without therapy your brain could keep you stuck in self-protection at the expense of living a full life.
Here’s and example of what’s possible with individual therapy.
Susan was a successful lawyer who had a series of failed relationships. She experienced significant trauma in her childhood and had good therapy to address post traumatic stress disorder before we met. She came to me after her most recent relationship ended in divorce after a year or marriage. She stated that she wanted to stop having failed relationships and control her anger.
Using neuroscience, my background in trauma therapy, and couples therapy we embarked on an exploration to discover the causes and prepare her for a healthy relationship. We first discovered that she picked partners who were unconsciously familiar to an abusive parent (neuroscience). We examined her tendency to avoid conflict (trauma therapy) and how it allowed partner’s to ignore her needs (couples therapy).
Together, we built her confidence that her needs were important, developed her skills at asking for what she needed, and helped her learn how to find a partner who didn’t reflect the same abusive patterns has her previous partners. Susan found a partner who wasn’t perfect, but would treat her needs equally. She developed the ability to feel more emotion in her relationship that led to deeper connection and a fuller experience of her relationship and her life. Susan reported feeling a sense of ease in her emotions, trust in her ability to manage her fear of conflict, and self confidence in her ability to get her needs met in the relationship.
Freedom from Pain and Discomfort
If you want to work toward freedom from your pain and discomfort, I can help. Together we can move you from feeling hopeless toward feeling empowered to make change and trust your process.